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I should have been born a cat
Welcome to Working Title. This is a public journal, but old posts (and the rare new post) are friends-only.

Information about me can be found on my user page. New LiveJournal friends are welcome: feel free to friend me, but please do leave a note (here or otherwise) and introduce yourself if you would like to be friended in return.
As I post more of these boys, it's getting harder for new readers to catch up on what's come before. So for everyone's ease, I finally offer:

Ghost and Aaron: A Sims 3 Story
Introduction and Master List

Aaron (with freckles and dyed black hair) is brash and rude, but behind his bravado is certain vulnerability. Ghost (with white hair and pale eyes) is inward-turned, expressing himself through the arts—but his passivity hides depth. They are cousins who, for most of their lives, were only casual acquaintances. Two years ago, Aaron moved in with Ghost and his mother, and the boys quickly became close friends. But one day, after they had moved into a filthy suburban home in Sunset Valley, Aaron kissed Ghost—changing their relationship forever, and beginning their chronicled story.

From their first spontaneous kiss onward, Ghost and Aaron's story has been almost entirely autonomous. I set up premises, and they provide plot—and the boys have a strange magic that makes it all possible. I post lightly annotated, image-heavy chronicles of their daily lives, supplemented with text-only, non-chronological storybits that fill in gaps in their daily developments and backstory. Storybits in particular may contain explicit sexual content, so consider yourself warned.

The list below contains every post where Aaron and Ghost appear, from cameos to major developments. The numbering system is completely meaningless (but keeps things in order); storybits are often non-chronological and tangentially related, but add significant depth. I have no posting schedule—updates come when they come. Comments and discussion are always welcome. Enjoy!

Master List — The time when...
001 They first appear.
002 Aaron kisses Ghost.
003 Aaron sets fire to the TV.
004 Their romantic relationship gets going.
005 Ghost quits his job.
006 They finally have sex.
          Bonus House tour.
007 They cameo during their honeymoon period.
008 The repoman comes.
          Bonus Family photos and Storybit 01: Aaron on the doorstep.
009 Ghost says "I love you."
           Bonus Storybit 02: Ghost dreams of death.
010 Ghost's dreams get worse.
          Bonus Storybit 03: Aaron says "I love you."
011 Storybit 04: The second round, while Ghost should be sleeping.
012 They have a surprising amount of sex.
          Bonus Storybit 05: Aaron picks Ghost up from work.
013 Ghost started to come to terms with Aaron's thievery.
          Bonus Storybit 06: Aaron questions Ghost's sexual history.
014 They cameo at the Silverman-Moore wedding.
015 Storybit 07: Aaron bottoms for the first time.
016 They visit Mouse.
          Bonus Storybit 08: The night with Nathan.
017 Everything's going well, so Aaron's parents show up.
          Bonus Storybit 09: The rings.
018 Things do not happen in France.
019 Aaron's parents visit.
          Bonus Storybit 10: What does not happen after Aaron's parents leave.
020 Previous update outtakes.
021 They spend a couple irresponsible days.

You can also browse my tags for Sims 3 and Sims 3: Ghost and Aaron for some supplemental discussion and photo logs of my other Sims. All my Sims photos are gathered in galleries on my Flickr.
I should have been born a cat
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab Website.

bpal_feedback avaliable here.

BPAL I have up for swap (locked).

My BPAL wishlist

I'm always willing to try new BPAL scents or to stock up on my favorites, but there are some scents that I desire more than others. I generally collect imps/decants because I go through oils slowly. You can fund my BPAL obsession through Paypal (swiftskyes AT hotmail DOT com) or ship them to me directly (can't see my contact info? want to? just ask).

I've included information about my favorite scents and notes (to give you an idea of what I like) and my wishlist for both limited edition and general catalog imps. Asterisks denote my highest priorities.

My favorite scents, notes, and tastesCollapse )

Limited Edition/Retired/Unimpable/etc WishlistCollapse )

General Catalog WishlistCollapse )

Non-BPAL & Miscellaneous WishlistCollapse )
At Whitman, my first college, when my crazies evidenced in earnest but also when I started on birth control, I ended up a the student health office and I honestly can't remember if it was for one or the other. But at some point in my meeting with the nurse, I mentioned that I was a self-injurer. And the nurse, cool as cold, demanded to see my arms.

I think about that moment a lot.

I refused. It wasn't relevant to my treatment. Self-injury is serious business, but it is not likely to pose immediate, life-threatening danger; the wounds do not demand immediate medical attention. And that was in the back of my head, but the thoughts weren't awfully cogent. The immediate refusal came because I didn't cut my arms. I primarily injured my thighs, and injured them because they were the most private part of my body: I have always hated them and since adolescence have kept them hidden.

I thought a lot about self-injury, in my late teens/early twenties. I read books about it. I knew the various social and mental and biological motives; I knew that it was simultaneously private and appeal for help; I realized mine had grown into an addiction, but was also a symptom of my larger problems. I knew my self-injury better than a stranger, even a college nurse who probably saw tons of it. But it was the fact that she'd asked to see my arms which made that clear. There's some 18-year-old belligerence tied up in how I remember things, but I think 18-year-old me was right: right to feel presumed upon, right to feel unseen, right to feel as if this one piece of information had altered our conversation in ways it shouldn't've.

For better or worse, that's how I see my self-injury, now: how I feel when depictions of it trigger me, what I see in my scars, what I think when self-injurying behavior reoccurs—because it's better, but will probably never be entirely gone, and at this point I don't mind, it's more coping mechanism than addiction and I need all the coping I can get. I don't see what the nurse saw. I see my reaction, the knowledge that, as much as I fit every teenage girl stereotype, this thing was mine alone to define.

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Books Once More
Title: Fingersmith
Author: Sarah Waters
Published: New York: Riverhead Books, 2011 (2002)
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 582
Total Page Count: 170,311
Text Number: 498
Read Because: fan of the author, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: In Victorian England, petty thief Sue Trinder agrees to help con a naïve young woman out of her inheritance. But when Sue meets Maud Lilly, both her emotions and the con grow regrettably complex. To call Fingersmith compelling is an understatement. The Dickensian pastiche and pagecount run overlong, the dual narratives can be repetitive, the plot twists are downright manipulative, yet the pages fly by. I saw another reviewer refer to this as YA lit with substance, which is spot on: Fingersmith invites fevered emotional investment, but is nuanced and grim. The unromantic historical setting and the predicaments that the protagonists land are sometimes so stressful that I regretted reading it; still, the pages fly by. I continue to be impressed by Waters's skill and can't but recommend this book.

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In Sense8, a trans woman undergoes forced hospitalization and is threatened with a lobotomy (for reasons unrelated to but not independent of her gender identity); in Sarah Waters's Fingersmith, one Victorian woman is committed to an asylum under false pretenses while the other is held captive. If you asked, I'd probably say that my biggest fears, other than the crippling agoraphobia which is at this point more a personality trait than a fear, are spiders, automatonophobia/life where life shouldn't be, and existential horror. It's surprising how often those things come up, in daily life and in video games and in the night sky. But let me tell you, I am fucking terrified of the idea of forced hospitalization, medical procedures, and institutionalization.

Terrified, almost, on the level of agoraphobia. My other fears have that push/pull of horror, and revulsion that can be manipulated into intrigue. But, while I think there's room to creatively explore and even idealize mental illness/institutionalization, specifically in/of women (see: my thoughts on Emilie Autumn's Fight Like a Girl), there's no potential in me for a pleasant thrill. I suppose it's too real. I've never been hospitalized, but it's always been at the fringe of my experience—offhand comments by authority figures, horror stories from peers; half the reason I'm afraid to seek any help is the fear of the form that help may take. On some level, I've always believed I deserved it—that I am sufficiently incapacitated that I should not be able to self-govern. What makes it worse is that these narratives are often about women who are not mentally ill: it's terrifying that the social standing innate to gender and perceived neurotypicality are used to control and punish women, but, even worse, these women don't even deserve it—and part of their punishment is being alongside actual crazies, who do. These women at least have the narrative to advocate for them; whether or not it ends well, we as consumers know that their situation is unfair. What advocate would I have?

(I think this is why Emilie Autumn's Fight Like a Girl doesn't bother me as much—nor, to some extent, American Horror Story: Asylum: the PoV is not solely "sane person punished by being viewed as crazy"; both have mentally ill characters that the narrative still acknowledges are undeserving victims of the system.)

It's not something that will happen, and on society's scale of crazies mine are pretty acceptable—it's probably not something that could happen. And even if it did, there's every possibility that I have a skewed perspective built on historical evidence and horror stories, and that some forms of forced/in-patient medial aid would help me. And it doesn't matter. The idea makes me so anxious and miserable that a bit of logical counterpoint means nothing.

As fate would have it, Sense8 and Fingersmith are the primary show I'm watching/book I'm reading right now. They're both quite good! But consuming them at the same time meant that last night when trying to wind down to sleep I couldn't even give up one piece of media for another that would be less anxiety-provoking. "I know!" I thought. "I'll grab the next Circle of Magic book, because middle-grade wish fulfillment about found families and personal ability will certainly sooth my anxiety." But my elibrary hold still hasn't come in, and I couldn't *cough* "find" an epub on the entire damn internet. But by some minor miracle, even though it was 3a, Devon was awake and he read to me the two last chapters of a Wizard of Oz book, and then I read two chapters of a Narnia book, and then I slept.

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15th-Nov-2015 09:58 pm - One day in autumn in Portland.
Most nights, I keep the blanket that August sleeps on right beside my pillow at the head of the bed. In the morning when I wake up, she's right there: her fur looks like crushed velvet, all mussy and soft and every which way; she's quiet, dazed with sleep. She doesn't look like that, act like that, after her long daytime nap—only in the mornings.

Today when I got up, Dee was about to take Odi out for a walk; I went with her and we made a trip out to the nearby farm stand/food cart pod. As we walked down, there was a light rain; as soon as we got there and got under cover, it started pouring. We got drinks—I can't drink Starbucks mochas anymore, they're too sweet for my tastes, but this had less sugar and it was lovely. We had them by the covered fire pit that made our clothes smell of smoke. When he gets wet, Odi's fur makes little raven-feather clumps; when the rain broke and sunlight hit him, by the heat of the fire, his fur let off gentle steam. The food cart next to us was one we'd never noticed before, Greek; we ordered from there and while we were waiting on it we bought fruit, including this-season Braeburn apples. When we walked back with our food, the sun lit fiery autumn foliage against a slate sky.

As Tumblr threatens but fails to make an exodus to anywhere-but-here/maybe DW and LJ, I think about how I still have a journal, still use it—but when I think of recording my daily life, I don't see a point: not for lack of audience, but because not much has happened in the last [period of time] that I'd want to remember. That's not entirely negative—my sister is doing well, and over most of her hurdles; my mental health is better than it was this time last year; things right now are a monotonous not-awful. But in my media blogging over on Tumblr, I notice how much I prioritize fictional stories—even when mine isn't awful, it's richer and easier to live elsewhere.

But today was different. Today seems worth recording. It's autumn, and comfortably cool, and beautiful, and this was a lovely day spent in it.

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I should have been born a cat
Title: Hemlock Grove
Author: Brian McGreevy
Published: New York: FSG Originals, 2012
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 320
Total Page Count: 169,729
Text Number: 497
Read Because: fan of the television adapatation, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: Two strangers are drawn together by the death of a young woman to an apparent animal attack: Peter, Romani, outsider, and perhaps a werewolf, and Roman, heir to Hemlock Grove's medical empire and gifted with strange powers of his own. The Netflix adaptation is surprisingly faithful, so fans of the show will find this familiar. I prefer the show, but only by bare margin. All the best dynamics and lines come directly from the book, the McGreevy's voice is a delight, abrupt in pacing, florid in wording, perfect for the reluctant but intense desires of the cast. I found this absorbing, and while Hemlock Grove carries inherent caveats (for the representation of Romani people, and for its indulgent grotesquery) I recommend it.

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Title: Sandry's Book (Circle of Magic Book 1)
Author: Tamora Pierce
Published: New York: Scholastic, 1998
Rating: 2 of 5
Page Count: 256
Total Page Count: 169,409
Text Number: 496
Read Because: series mentioned here, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: A mage rescues four youths—a former thief, an exiled Trader, an unwanted Merchant daughter, an a orphaned noble—and brings them to their new home, a small cottage at a school of magic. The four protagonists, all experiencing near-identical rescue, adjustment, and tutelage, make for a repetitive narrative, none the least because this is written for a younger audience and so, while the prickly characters are realistically flawed, the emotions and plot are transparent. Nonetheless, Sandry's Book is lovely. The unique abilities of each character—from magical gardening to magical spinning—are engaging, and to watch the characters settle into their new home and build friendships is the most satisfying, if obvious, form of wish-fulfillment. This is a kind, endearing, magical book; I would have loved it as a younger reader, and still enjoy it now. I'll continue with the series.

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Books Once More
Title: Love in Vein
Editor: Poppy Z. Brite
Published: New York: HarperPrism, 1994
Rating: 2 of 5
Page Count: 397
Total Page Count: 169,153
Text Number: 495
Read Because: fan of the editor, purchased from Powell's
Review: An anthology of twenty tales of vampire erotica. Or, at least, it's meant to be. Brite's arrangement is strong, but the quality of the selections leaves much to be desired. There are a cluster of decent stories from Jessica Amanda Salmonson, Christa Faust, Douglas Clegg, and Brian Hodge, and Gene Wolfe's "Queen of the Night," an oblique dreamscape of ghouls and fairy queens, was my favorite. But there's just as many mediocre stories, and three that I couldn't even bring myself to finish. Brite's introduces the vampire as taboo breaker, as "the mutant ... considered beautiful even as it is feared," but here dark sexuality often means child abuse, rape, and sex work, peppered with unappealing brute pornography—more grimdark than taboo breaking, distinctly tiresome and never erotic. The vampires fair better, but only barely: they're varied, but most stories are slave to their concepts, summaries of the vampiric figure with not much in the way of independent plot or characters. Give this a miss. I adore the intent, but the execution is a disappointment.

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Title: Radiance
Author: Catherynne M. Valente
Published: New York: Tor, 2015
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 432
Total Page Count: 168,756
Text Number: 494
Read Because: fan of the author, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: Severin steps out from the shadow of her father, a director of gothic melodrama, to make a name for herself as a documentary director—culminating in the doomed investigation of a colony that vanished on Venus. Radiance has precisely the flaws one would expect from a found manuscript-style story by an author with a distinctive, powerful style: one, everyone sounds the same, further confusing the intentionally disjointed narrative and destroying some immersion; two, the style runs away with itself, and both the noir and the Hollywood glam aspects grow over-indulgent. Otherwise, this is phenomenal. It's thoughtful, profound, and playful—I imagine that even the over-indulgent style is a delight if the aesthetic appeals. Those aspects on which success hinges work when they need to, especially in the end—a thematically-justified, satisfying deus ex machina. This isn't my favorite Valente, largely on account of aesthetics, but it has the qualities I expect from her work and I certainly enjoyed and recommend it.

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Title: Jamaica Inn
Author: Daphne du Maurier
Published: New York: Hachette, 2013 (1936)
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 302
Total Page Count: 168,324
Text Number: 493
Read Because: fan of the author, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: Her mother's dying request takes Mary Yellan to Jamaica Inn, located in bleak moorland and run by Mary's terrifying uncle. Jamaica Inn has a phenomenal sense of place—it's a gothic nightmare, desolate and cruel; the winter moorlands are given particular loving attention. The characters and plot are less successful, succumbing too easily to type or to predictability, which, especially in the case of the Vicar, can stifle suspense. I love Rebecca, and this is no Rebecca—there's a comparable lack of both subtlety and beauty. But the voice and atmosphere are as strong, and make this a solid gothic indulgence.

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Title: The Drowning City (The Necromancer Chronicles Book 1)
Author: Amanda Downum
Published: Orbit, 2009
Rating: 3 of 5
Page Count: 351
Total Page Count: 168,022
Text Number: 492
Read Because: personal enjoyment, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Isyllt, necromancer and spy, comes to Symir to finance a revolution—only to find herself and her companions ensnared by the city's complex politics. A welcome (and necessary) deviation from the norm, Symir isn't inspired by medieval Europe and the book is peopled in majority by strong, diverse women. Downum writes with intent; her worldbuilding is strong, and has an evocative sense of place; the politics are varied and confrontational. But The Drowning City lacks heart. Both plot and pacing are predictable, which strips intrigue from the politicking and even renders the landscape monotonous. There's too many PoV characters, each exploring certain cultures and motives but none kindling emotional investment. I'm biased, I find it hard to build investment in second world fantasy—but I had particular trouble with it here. While I admire Downum's intent, The Drowning City fails to rise above serviceable.

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Title: The Little Stranger
Author: Sarah Waters
Published: New York: Riverhead Books, 2009
Rating: 5 of 5
Page Count: 466
Total Page Count: 167,671
Text Number: 491
Read Because: listed here, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: 1947, rural England: Dr. Faraday, the son of a maid who has risen to the position of a country doctor, is called to the aging Hundred Hall. There he falls in with the family in their attempt to hold out against the changing times and some sinister force that may reside in Hundreds itself. The Little Stranger is near to flawless. Its gentle pace and surprising tension aren't always a perfect pair—at times, the book is achingly slow. But what a lovely mix of historical setting and gothic trapping. Hundreds has a rich sense of place, as evocative, even romantic, in its decline as its beauty. The supernatural dread that suffuses it is creative and ominous, and works in tandem with the post-War context; the end (while not as revelatory as I'd been lead to expect) has a quiet satisfaction. The Little Stranger is intentional, bittersweet, thoughtful—and still an utter delight, steeped in gothic tropes and truly transporting. I adored it. This is my first book by Sarah Waters, but it won't be my last.

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Title: The Talented Mr. Ripley (Ripley Book 1)
Author: Patricia Highsmith
Published: New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 2008 (1955)
Rating: 3 of 5
Page Count: 273
Total Page Count: 167,205
Text Number: 490
Read Because: personal enjoyment, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: When he travels to Italy in search of an acquaintance, petty con artist Tom Ripley stumbles into the con of a lifetime: another man's identity. This book has some singularly perfect moments—namely, the impromptu and keenly flawed murder that begins the con; but also the way Tom juggles his dual personas, and the final few pages. But its bulk is repetitive. Near all that can go wrong does go wrong with predictable pacing, creating a constant state of tension (and frustration at Tom's lack of foresight)—but Tom, neither compelling or sympathetic, fails to warrant investment, and so the tension has no payout and is merely unpleasant. The supporting cast is as dull as Tom finds them, so neither is there dramatic irony. I appreciate the intent, and love the moments in which that intent succeeds, but too much of The Talented Mr. Ripley fails to impress.

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You're Next, film, 2013, dir. Adam Wingard
I admire this film's dedication—the violence is messy, imperfect, and keenly human; the ruthless body count makes for lively pacing and a dogged gallows humor. But the emotional register is flat. No doubt the estranged family is meant to be obnoxious, but they're still awful to watch; the motivations and reactions to stress are both lackluster. This worked for me up until the kitchen scene deaths, which tip the balance into outright ridiculous—I needed less horror staging and more content. The competent final girl is an interesting play on the trope; otherwise, this isn't interesting at all.

How to Get Away with Murder, season 1, 2014-2015
I kept waiting for this show to disappoint me, and it never did—which says a lot about both its early buildup and its late-game followthrough. HtGAwM shows a commitment to season(/series)-long writing which I rarely see in television, and while it can tend towards the dramatic that still makes for utterly satisfying character and plot arcs. In premise, this reminds me of Donna Tartt's The Secret History (and where the premise is less romanticized and intimate, the authority figure is more directly engaged—a worthwhile trade) with a dash of serial crime; high-stakes social elements played against murder make for rich character drama, supported by the phenomenal casting, particularly Viola Davis; the script is tense and clever, especially the non-linear first half of the season. (It also reminded me of Damages, but it's significantly more fun to watch.) It's obvious, but I adored this.

Creep, film, 2014, dir. Patrick Kack-Brice
Too many jump scares, too early and often, destroy any buildup; but the real drawback is that this is predicated on the belief that we will be surprised, or at least interested, to discover that an affable white male adult would turn out to be dangerous or creepy. The horror elements are so unsuccessful as to be bland, and the aforementioned creep is merely off-putting and never compelling. Give this a miss.

Upstream Color, film, 2013, dir. Shane Carruth
The first third of this film is deeply disquieting and effective; the rest is laborious, steeped in indie cliché—the mumbled dialog, the minimalist aesthetic, the long blank stares, the cryptic and pretentious emotional reactions resting on vaguely sexist gender roles. The concept beneath that is tenuous but interesting, but honestly, who cares: the wrapping leaves too much to be desired.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica The Movie: Rebellion, anime film, 2013, Shaft
Spoilers, be ye warned. The pacing is all over the place, but it works—and, honestly, that near-idyllic opening is almost as good as the twist that follows. I have mixed feelings about this film: as a continuation, Homura's labyrinth is almost too small and her rewriting is certainly too large. I prefer the former, because PMMM is one part interpersonal and one part apocalyptic, and Homura had the most interpersonal investment and want for exploration/resolution. To end that story on a purely happy ending would have been rewarding, but tonally insincere. To end it instead on such a large, bitter scale is in line with series ethos, but cheapens the phenomenal end of the anime series through sheer redundancy. So much is right, here: the far superior art quality, the fantastic aesthetic, Bebe!!, the reveal of Homura's fate and the worldbuilding that occurs around it, Kyubey's characterization, the emotional release of the aborted Good End. But part of me feels it was unnecessary, no matter how financially sound, to revisit this world.

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Books Once More
Title: The Postman Always Rings Twice
Author: James M. Cain
Published: New York: Vintage Books, 2010 (1934)
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 98
Total Page Count: 166,932
Text Number: 489
Read Because: listed here, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: When a drifter lands a temporary job at a roadside diner, he sparks a dangerous affair with the proprietor's wife. The Postman Always Rings Twice is short, quick, and dense. This doesn't read like a first novel: the voice is strong, even quotable, without simplifying the impassioned emotions that fuel the narrative or skimping on dramatic irony. But the strong voice is a mixed blessing, because it creates a rough hardboiled tone which I suppose you either enjoy or don't (I didn't). Nonetheless, an inarguable success.

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Books Once More
Title: A Vanishing Glow (The Mystech Arcanum, Vol. I & II)
Author: Alexis Radcliff
Published: Fatecaster Press, 2015
Rating: 2 of 5
Page Count: 338
Total Page Count: 166,833
Text Number: 488
Read Because: review copy provided by the author
Review: The young federation of Ghavarim is threatened with political upheaval when court politics intrude on the uneasy balance between the undeveloped east and the growing, magic-fueled technology of the west. A Vanishing Glow takes place in a compelling world with convincing history and politics. It falls victim to some fantasy clichés, like excessive proper nouns (the biggest culprit may by the assignations called "Endings"), but on the whole the strong sense of place will satisfy steampunk/flintlock fans. The human angle is less successful. The protagonists are interesting, and their dual plotlines are individually compelling. But Radcliff's characters are foolish—their motivations are simplistic and their constant mistakes are over-telegraphed and under-justified, and, while I admire the ruthless consequences, the effect is unconvincing. This doesn't ruin A Vanishing Glow, but it taints it; I never became truly invested, and don't recommend it. Bigger fans of these subgenres may still find this worth their time.

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